Love and lots of kisses,

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I'm back from my mini-vacation and I feel MARVELOUS! I took my little family and we headed up to Estes Park, for a couple of days without television, cel phones, computers... (I did miss my computer... but we had fun anyhow).

I took some great pictures... we got up VERY close to a herd of elk, and a herd of deer!

I have to admit, relaxing was difficult. How sad is it that we have to work at relaxing? The first night I was still a ball of stress. I started to feel better the next day, though... amazing what a good night's sleep will do, ay? Plus, I won at cribbage, which always helps any bad situation.

I was frustrated because I didn't get the writing done that I'd wanted to. I'm working on another rant, and this one's difficult... and having the creative equivalent of constipation is just no fun. So I wasn't able to finish the rant... but I did get some rather silly writing done. I recently joined the SFRedbook site, and on their ladies "Pink Book" site a woman had written what she calls "Ho-ku".... the ASPs version of Haiku. So I thought I'd try my hand at it. A proper haiku has 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second, and 5 in the third. The best ones also take two different concepts and bring them together. Here's what I came up with:

the night is lonely
fire crackles in the stillness
heat unrequited

struggling with words again
a weed growing in the dust
trite thoughts wither, die

There she sits, writing.
A prize-winning novel? No!
Meaningless haiku!

I did have fun writing the "Ho-ku." That's just a sample. I also wrote a limerick, which I dedicate to a gentleman who goes by the handle "Peckerhead." (he always writes limericks).

An escort went on vacation
to escape all her stress and vexation
but all the mountains, trees, and snow
didn't soothe like her dildo
and that had nothin' on the toy with vibration!

More soon....

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

Thursday, March 10, 2005

I have a friend who is working as an escort... and she has recently expressed a virulent hatred for the business, for the clients, for everything about what she does. It really surprised me. I've spent time with her and I know she's a nice person, but her vehemence was shocking.

I'm sure there are many reasons why an escort could get to that place, mentally and emotionally, but I can only think of two, offhand:

1. She may have had a strong religious upbringing, or found religion in her adult life, and her actions and her faith are in serious conflict. Even a rejected childhood religion can still be deeply ingrained, causing some to feel shame, guilt, and self-loathing about their adult life choices.

2. In a desperate bid to make as much money as possible, some ladies will see any client, no matter how rude, filthy, abusive, insulting, degrading, arrogant, callous, judgmental, cruel, dangerous, perverted (like pedophiles or rapists), cheap, devaluing, disrespectful, or psychotic. In taking anyone's money, the woman is truly selling herself. She is exposed to all manner of bad human beings, and feels terrible associating with them (as she should). She also is exposed constantly to men who judge her and look down on her for what she does... and if these things combine with point number one, then her negative self-image is reinforced a hundred-fold.

I'm not sure if either of these points apply to my friend. But I feel sad for her.

I love what I do. Sure, there are days when I'm tired and don't feel like it, like any other job.... and there are days when I don't like it (mostly when I'm worried about legal hassles, or having to lie to someone yet again about what I do for a living, because it's not safe or okay to tell them). But 99.9 percent of the time, I enjoy escorting very much. I meet wonderful people. I get paid to make people happy. Part of the way I ensure that I continue enjoying what I do is to screen clients carefully... I am only interested in seeing kind, friendly, respectful people, who recognize that I am a loving, caring human being, with feelings and dreams and hopes -- just like them.

Once in a while, someone unpleasant will slip below my radar. Then, escorting truly becomes work, and disquieting work at that. But, as in any job, sometimes one has to deal with frustrating people or situations. I hold my head high and do my best.

The positive, wonderful, friendly people far outnumber the negative people.  I am always presented with someone new to get to know, to explore. Every person on this earth has a story I haven't heard, an experience I haven't lived. I learn so much every day. I enjoy what I do so very much. I hope my friend can learn to appreciate herself, and recognize the potential for pleasure she has -- in giving and receiving.

More soon....

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

Sunday, March 6, 2005

I added a new girlfriend link for Ciara of Buffalo, NY. I am just charmed by this woman... and we have so much in common, and such a similar style and sense of humor, that it's just plain spooky. She's my age (37)(honestly), and a redhead, and she does her own site, and she has a great, no-nonsense approach... she's awesome. I hope one of my friends goes out to Buffalo and sees her, and is able to give an honest comparison/appraisal. I just have such a good feeling about her. It's kind of strange.

What else.... I'm trying to quit eating sugar. It's REALLY hard. My doctor says it's best for me, so I'm trying... but I broke down today and had a piece of chocolate and two girl-scout cookies. I had never realized what a hard-core addiction sugar can be... it's like trying to kick any other kind of addiction. And I'm just not good when I feel deprived of something... it makes me want it all the more (like going without sex, LOL!).

Tonight someone's little dog got out of his yard...  I heard all of this honking on the busy street on the south side of my house, and here was this little dog out in the street. I kept trying to catch him, but he was a very fast doggie. Several cars almost hit him... it was agonizing to watch. He kept running back out into the street... and when a car did a near-miss, he'd just run into the middle of the street, rather than onto the side of the road. I thought that any second, I was going to watch this poor, stupid creature die. I wasn't sure if I could stand it if I did. That kind of thing sticks in your head forever, it never leaves you. We finally were able to trap the dog in someone's yard... it may not even have been his yard. Those poor people might have come home and looked out in their back yard and said, "honey, there's a stupid little dog in our yard." But at least he wasn't out in the street anymore. So if there's a strange dog in your yard tonight, just call the SPCA and make sure the dumb thing doesn't get out.  :)

More soon....

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

Wednesday, March 2, 2005

I've been pretty excited this week, a lot going on....

I've added two new galleries of photos: February pics of me, and pics with Maureen. One of my gentlemen friends who enjoys reading my site and keeping up with what's going on suggested that I post update information, much as I have at the bottom of my main page.  Instead, I've added the "What's New" page, which is an easy click from my main page to find out exactly what's different on my site, and when the update took place.

Plus I added a new rant to the Slut Rants, which I'm pretty excited about. I haven't decided what the next rant is going to be, yet... I'm thinking something about prejudice, judgment, and prostitution. Recently I've been coming up against some really negative attitudes, and it's got me thinking. I have already written something like this in an old post on the Other Board, but this is more general. I'm going to be starting it soon, as my goal is to add a new rant every week -- minimum. If I can do better than that, great.

What else is up? A dear friend is working on a business to provide upscale, comfortable, and private overnight locations for travelers, and has offered me the use of her location for appointments in the Cherry Creek area. Having a Cherry Creek location will be nice, as I often can't take appointments in the evening at my place -- and I have some good friends down south who might appreciate not having to come all the way out to the west side to visit.

In spite of all of my accomplishments this week, I've been feeling a little down. I know a few other people who are going through the same thing. It's actually not an unusual time of year for depression. Most people think of the holidays as a time when people are most depressed, but, interestingly enough, most suicides occur in the Spring. Not that I'm feeling suicidal, mind you, I just think it's an interesting statistic. So for all of my friends out there who are feeling a little blue, you're not alone. Give me a call and we'll commiserate.

I'm planning on taking some family time March 20th and 21st and heading up to Estes Park for an escape. I won't have email... or web surfing... I don't even know if my "traveling" phone will work up there. I'm looking forward to just getting away, but I'm not sure how I'll handle it. I tend to be a workaholic, and have a hard time just telling myself "okay, we're done for the day." It's funny how you work so much harder for yourself than you ever did for an employer... and I'm enough of a perfectionist that I used to work pretty darned hard for my employer! So this little two-day jaunt is not going to be easy for me. I'm not all that good at "relaxing" either. It's like I always have to have something to do.  I wonder if anyone else can relate.

Anyhow... must get back to that email inbox. And for all of my friends who follow this blog regularly: give me a call! You don't just have to email... I would love to hear your voice and just say hello.

More soon....

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Late night babbling when I should be going through the glut of email in my box....

But I've been working on the Slut Rants lately (see button above), and am very happy. I'm finally working on the things I've been wanting to work on, the things that are for ME, not necessarily about work. This does mean my email has been suffering. I hope that my friends can understand... lately I've been having to put anything that isn't an appointment request on the back burner.

Unfortunately, the back burner is getting pretty backlogged.

It's so hard to find enough time to pursue my own dreams and goals and desires, work, have a family, and spend 3+ hours a day doing email too. I suppose everyone on earth has got to feel the same way, so I'm really just whining. I should stop.

It's so hard to decide how to prioritize one's life, when everything seems like it should be number one on the list.

On the plus side, I did take down the Christmas tree.  :)

The house is coming along, I just bought new lighting fixtures for the living room and entry hall, and a good friend helped put up a couple of them... he's coming back this week to do the ceiling fan, and I can finally get rid of that horrible tacky fan/light combo thing that's been bugging me since I moved in last May (it's a perfect "country kitchen" kind of thing... arf).

I am coming to realize that with houses, you're never actually DONE... it's like the never-ending project, there's always something more you could be doing to improve it. This homeownership thing is hard. But it's fun changing things, fixing things the way I want them to be... making it mine.  It's just going to take time and lots of money to get it up to perfect. Unfortunately, I have a minimum supply of both!  :)

I received an email from a gent who knows me from back when I lived and worked in Santa Cruz. That was so marvelous. It flatters me to be remembered after five years... in a business where ladies come and go, there's always a new face.... to have someone remember me feels very nice. I did warn him that I am in fact five years older than I was when he saw me last. :)  Still, it will be really terrific to see an old friend.

I have a few local (or Colorado Springs) new old friends that I'm really enjoying. I think what I love most about what I do is getting to know new friends, learning about people, exploring and trying to understand things I haven't encountered before. And now I'm developing friendships with folks in Des Moines, Omaha, and Kansas City. I want to meet as many people as possible before I die. Learn new jokes, stories, try to understand what makes people do what they do, and with whom they do it... and why. I know I can never truly understand another human being, not completely... I am only beginning to have the barest of clues as to understanding myself... and this after a zillion years of therapy. LOL!

Well, this was just a babble tonight... careening wildly from one subject to the next.... I suppose I should get to bed.

More soon....

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

Monday, February 7, 2005

SECOND TRIP TRAVELOGUE... JAN. 31- FEB. 7 PART THREE

We're back in KC at last and getting ready to check out of the hotel....  this place in Overland Park is quite nice and I'll look forward to staying here again... in a WHILE. I'm thinking I won't head out this way again until May. I'm exhausted and I miss my friends and family, and I missed the Valentine party over at Elizabeth's and I just plain MISS everything back home. I've been on the road far too long.

On the top of the list of things I miss is my incredible bed. That tempurpedic mattress was worth every dime I paid for it, "sweet sleeper" and "sweet dreams" hotel beds be damned.

I should be getting in the shower and getting ready to check out.... but instead I'm sitting here, babbling incoherently into my computer....

The Des Moines, Omaha, and Kansas City gentlemen gave us a very warm welcome indeed, and we definitely had some BIG fun... sorry no pics, but Caroline doesn't like doing them, so we didn't. I'm still waiting for Ms. Moe to send me the rest of the pics (the ones with me in them) from our trip, but she's been pretty busy. As soon as I get them, though, I'll be sure to put them up in my gallery.  :)

I drove the speed limit all the way from Omaha.

Here I am in Kansas, feeling like Dorothy, clicking my heels together (there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home).

The dictation computer program turned out to be a bust.... and this after I spent an additional $70 to upgrade the RAM in my ancient laptop so I could run the damned thing.... I actually got the store to take it back, which was a miracle in and of itself, considering it was an open software program. They were even willing to charge it back to my credit card, but I took the store credit option and bought myself a new digital camera. Not the top of the line, but not the bottom either, just somewhere comfortably in between. So I'm going to be photo happy!

Geez, this is a pretty whiny blog entry.

Well, I will say this: I have learned a lot about the best way to do these road trips, having done it now with two different ladies.  My next trips (which won't be for a while, thank you very much!) will have a different set of plans, a different way of doing things. I'm going to take the best from each trip and combine them to create a better experience, from an emotional and financial standpoint.

We get in tonight at 7:30... can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm working on a new rant or two, the latest opus, and some other interesting (well, okay, at least to me) stuff, and I had a moment last night, a realization, that these things must take priority, even over the email glut. On these trips, I've felt like I was all about work and not about ME... I've got to make my goals/dreams/desires/talents a priority over just work work work. I'm not going to be lying on my deathbed wishing I had spent more time working and less time on the things I dream of.

A special girlfriend sent me an email, and this quote was at the bottom: "Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body... but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting '...holy shit.... what a ride!'"

Now that rings true. I want to have a helluva ride before I leave this rock. No one ever succeeded at anything truly great by being careful.... sometimes you have to make the leap of faith. So I'm jumping!

More soon....

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

Thursday, February 3, 2005

SECOND TRIP TRAVELOGUE... JAN. 31- FEB. 7 PART TWO

We made it to Omaha... and without a speeding ticket, I might add. It's been interesting, though. We arrived at our hotel and discovered it was WAY below our standards... and so had to make an expensive change at the last minute (double the original cost we'd spent, which, incidentally, will not be credited back to my account for 6-10 business days). Where did we end up? The crumbling balcony place Moe and I had visited. And at twice the cost, because it wasn't booked through priceline.  Caroline thinks the place is great. Go figure. What the heck do I know? I will never understand women. Hrumph.

I'm starting to get to know Omaha,  just a little. I found the drive-through Starbucks by myself, and was quite pleased about that.

We had dinner tonight at Gorat's Steakhouse, which is a wonderful old famous place... the restaurant  opened in 1944. Very similar to my great meal with Maureen -- incredible food ("best steaks in the world") fabulous building steeped in history, it just had that 40s feel to it, with the men in white cravats and big cigars, ladies in slinky evening wear sipping martinis and lounging by the piano bar... well, that's what I pictured, anyhow. In reality, we arrived almost 30 minutes late for our reservation and were subtly lectured for this by the hostess. The place was getting ready to close, and she really didn't want to stay late. The restaurant was mostly empty by this time, except for a young couple arguing at one table, a security guard at the door, two priests (an old one and a young one) at the table next to ours, and us -- two ASPs from out of state. I said to Caroline, "I feel like we're the punchline to a joke that hasn't been written yet."

Someone write the joke and email it to me.

I have to take the laptop into the shop tomorrow for more RAM. I hit on this brilliant idea to help me with my burgeoning email problem (I want some time to write, darn it! I'm sitting on this really good opus and it's HOT and I just can't bring myself to work on it when I'm so behind on my email.... I feel guilty working on this travelogue, but enough people are telling me that they're reading it that I feel compelled to make additions.... despite having over 80 emails in my box). I'm going to try a speaking program, and dictate email responses. If it works, it will really help with the time. But now I need more RAM to use it. I think by the time I work out the bugs and get the computer back and forth and in and out of the shop, I could probably answer most of this email the hard way. SHHhhhh! Don't say that out loud! Naw, truth is, I do have to run out in the morning anyhow and pick up some things from Walgreens, so I may as well drop the laptop off while I'm at it.

Off to bed... alone. Getting a little tired of that. I am sworn off boyfriends... I don't believe it's possible for me to have a HEALTHY relationship while working as an ASP, and maybe not at all. But I satisfy myself every day in other ways... [naughty grin].... but sometimes I do get lonely all by myself in a big bed.

Goodnight, Irene. (anyone who can tell me what that's from and what's next gets a discount).

More soon....

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

Tuesday, February 1, 2005

SECOND TRIP TRAVELOGUE... JAN. 31- FEB. 7 PART ONE

I was crazy to take a second trip so soon on the heels of the first. But it's far too late to back out now... rooms are paid for, rental car, etc. etc.... Traveling with Caroline is a whole different experience than traveling with Ms. Moe. Whereas Moe is a relaxed, go with the flow kind of gal (more like me) Caroline insists on every detail planned in advance, no surprises, everything just so. Which is fine... it's just that I've spent over a thousand dollars on this trip in advance, and that sort of thing makes me a nervous Bev. One would think planning in advance would make for less stress, not more... [sigh]

Caroline and I flew into Kansas City yesterday afternoon. Caroline was a bit irritated that I wasn't there at the gate when they began boarding, and has made me promise to never do that again. It's hard. I come from a family where we wait until the last minute to board planes, because, hey, we have a boarding pass already, it's not like they're going to take our seats away, we've checked in, right? So why start boarding with all the sheep, standing in interminable lines throughout the plane while people stow their luggage, when we can kick back and relax in the lounge until everyone else has settled in? My parents were also the sort who sat through the credits at the end of movies, waiting for everyone to leave, leave the theater, drive out of the lot.... and we relax and hang out until we can just leave in a leisurely fashion. What can I say, it's how I was raised. I promised Caroline I wouldn't scare her again. I think she thought the plane was going to leave without us.

After a fairly short flight, we arrived to Kansas City -- quite chilly, I'd like to note -- and caught a shuttle to the rental car place. More hassles... but finally we were on the road to Des Moines. After the critical stop for delicious Kansas BBQ... (an absolute MUST), I drove at first, but started getting sleepy, so Caroline took over.

When I woke up, we were 40 miles from Des Moines, and I took over behind the wheel. Everyone was speeding around us.... going at least 80.... Caroline told me that while she was driving, she was going faster than the speed limit too... so I thought I'd break my normal driving rules just this once and, instead of going one or two miles over the speed limit using the cruise control, I'd go a bit faster too.

I now owe the state of Iowa $105 for my speeding ticket.

The policeman asked me to sit in his car with him while he keyed all of my information into my computer.... which struck me as odd. I have never had to sit in the front seat of a policecar while they make out my ticket. It was kinda cool.... seeing his little computer and how it worked. He asked a lot of questions about what we were doing in Des Moines, which made me nervous. I explained that I am a writer/editor working on setting up businesses with improved public relations and marketing materials. When he got out of the car to check the vin number on the rental car, he asked Caroline the same questions. Not cool. I did, however, tell him my blonde highway patrol joke, and he laughed, so it all turned out okay. Other than the big fat speeding ticket. This trip is getting expensive!

We made it to our hotel, and I saw a very nice gentleman who took me out for a wonderful dinner... followed by adult toy shopping! I love new school/office supplies, always have. Found something lots of fun.... ask to see it when I get home after the 7th! After a nice evening, I passed out....

Up too early today.... then back to bed.... then up..... went and worked out (I've lost almost 10 pounds now!) and Caroline and I have some really outrageous plans for the two of us tonight..... we are both quite fond of the gentlemen in Des Moines.

Now Caroline's palm pilot has gone out and she's quite mad....  imagine losing all of your business contacts and information all at once.... see this is why I don't use electronic organizers. I used to have a Psion, back in the pre-palm pilot days, and it freaked out and I lost everything.  I use paper organizers and am a profoundly happier person because of it. I don't spend half an hour plugging information into an electronic toy... I spend five seconds scrawling info into my day planner.

Isn't it strange how we end up spending more time just to save time? It seems like our whole lives are like that. My housemate, who's a fount of weird and useless knowledge, says that  the cavemen spent 6 hours of their day gathering or hunting food or shelter, or preparing for these things. Modern man spends 10 hours a day or more doing these things. Honestly, how improved are our lives, when we think about all these "time savers" and "life improvement" devices? Our cars are now so loaded with computers, which handle so many things (down to the locks on the doors, etc) that there's just so much more to go wrong. Was it really so bad to own an ancient V-8 where you had to reach across the seat to unlock your passenger's door? How much energy have we really saved, being able to push a button instead? 

Anyhow, enough of all this....

More soon....

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

Thursday, January 27, 2005

TRAVELOGUE... JAN. 24 - 27 PART THREE

I wrote part two last night, but ended up being too tired to wait for the whole thing to upload.... a good many of these hotels have wireless capability.... but you can't use their system without disabling your firewall. It's the electronic equivalent of sex without a condom... with thousands of people!!!! NO WAY! So it's pokey old dial-up for us... can't even get 56, lucky to get 24.... yawn....  waiting 5,000 years for pics to upload... pass.....

Moving on!

We overslept this morning. Severely. Meant to get up at 4:30 and go exercise (I love these exercise facilities at these hotels!), but instead was awakened by Ms. Moe on the phone at 7am, saying she, too, had overslept.... this put a serious cramp in our style, needless to say.

But I should back up, because I have to mention all the fun things we did on Wednesday in Omaha.

First we checked into our hotel, which was, in my opinion, less than stellar. All the really nice hotels are downtown, but no one wants to GO downtown, due to parking issues, among other things. So we ended up in an aging Embassy Suites that had been converted to something else, but was clearly built in the 80s (and furnished then, I might add). There was red tape on the sliding doors, warning us not to go out onto the balcony, where the concrete was in pieces and jagged and bent rebar could be seen. Charming! All this for $71 per night... which was a bargain via priceline. Yikes. Definitely not your top knotch digs.

But then we went OUT and had some FUN!

Moe and I met a new friend and had a lot of fun in this bubble bath....

And then she took me to Carniglia's, which has the best pizza on earth, I swear. Omaha is this girl's hometown, and she made sure to show me everything that was "top knotch." That's Maureen's cute little phrase for the best of the best. Everywhere we went, things were "top knotch." (except for our own hotel, of course).

She's so cute! We had a "top knotch" time in Omaha, let me tell you. After dinner, we hit the adult bookstore and did some office supply shopping! New lingerie, new lube, new shoes.... we were in girl heaven. It was top knotch.

Then back to the hotel (sigh), though we did do some reconnaissance on a drive-thru Starbucks and a bank for in the morning.

As mentioned above, we woke up late... and I was due in Kansas City at 11am.... not good. We ran around like chickens with our heads cut off, got checked out, got to the bank and the Starbucks, and I managed to bump all of my KC appointments back to fit with our new schedule. Whew!

So now we're in Kansas City. Overland Park, actually, which I guess is the KC equivalent of the DTC. I haven't been outside of this hotel since we arrived, but this new place has a DSL line, lotsa room service, nice decor, and is, all in all, top knotch.

Bad news, though.... a weather front is on its way, and when are we driving home? I don't know where Moe is right now... she's off in the middle of nowhere having dinner.

I'm starting to get pretty darned homesick. I miss Denver. I miss my family. I miss the Denver gents. I miss having a full-size keyboard. And a closet instead of a suitcase. Bevvie wants to go home!!!!!!

More soon....

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

TRAVELOGUE... JAN. 24 - 27 PART TWO

I'm being lazy about this travelogue... but oh well. I never could keep a diary.

Moving on!

Maureen and I have been having many adventures... spent almost 40 hours in a hotel room in Des Moines... love those Des Moines gents, but they gave me a whisker burn! I actually have an owie on my chin!

Didn't really get to see Des Moines until we were leaving... then we went to a Walgreens (we have those in Colorado) and a mall (we have those in Colorado too) and while we were at the mall, Moe went in a skinny girl shop and I went into Hot Topic, where these youngsters look at me like I'm some ancient being trying to be cool (look, you little bastards, I've had this nose ring since 1986 for chrissake! Top that, you hip little so-and-so...) but I bought some clothes, and then Moe had to go buy a cel phone, and that's when the trouble started, because we split up.

To make a long story short, we both did more shopping. And Maureen got lost at the mall and couldn't find the entrance where we came in.

We did get together eventually... and on to Omaha. The country between Des Moines and Omaha is amazingly beautiful.... rolling hills and trees... must be incredible in the springtime.

More soon....

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

Monday, January 24, 2005

TRAVELOGUE... JAN. 24 - 27 PART ONE

Been too long again... so swamped, mostly with email, the holidays, blah blah blah....

Moving on!

I'm on a road trip with Maureen! We drove all night and managed to get here to Des Moines at 5-something-ungodly in the morning. I woke up before my wakeup call, as I left the heater on in my room (it was cold enough to freeze some kind of wiccan mammarian anatomy when we arrived).... so I left it on, fell asleep, and woke up drenched in sweat. Mmmm.  I'm glad I woke up early. I may need a nap later (so this is getting older... hate naps when you're little, love 'em when you're older).... but I'm enjoying being up.

Wake up call (auto system) just called.  Today in Des Moines, the weather is partly cloudy with a high of 38. Bit cooler than Denver when we left.

I love road trips. Maureen and I talked our fool heads off for hours, listening to our favorite "road trip" music (she's a little bit country, I'm a little bit rock and roll, but we did find common ground), talking about everything from the "Life" to our families and everything in between... we were well prepared. Cooler stocked with cold drinks and ice in the back, box full of sweet things and salty things depending on the mood...  I was copilot mostly, which involved taking care of trash, fetching anything Moe needed, navigation (she had that part down, she grew up out here), music control to her liking (we took turns doing tapes or CDs, but I let her have her pick of my selection, as is only fair, she being the driver and all).

Truck stops. Had to stop for gas. I love truck stops in the middle of nowhere, with the amazingly cool and tacky things that are for sale, crammed into these tiny spaces.... I bought two black rubber fake tribal tattoo bracelets (which I'll probably give away), a keyring/coinpurse designed to look like a black leather corset, and this cool 50s-looking black and red bowling shirt, really nice rayon and the price was unbelievably low. I would have thought bowling shirts would have been more popular round these parts.  I like looking at the strange little animals covered in rabbit fur to make them look real, but they make me feel guilty because of the poor dead bunnies missing their skin, and I can't buy them. I must curb my habit of buying some strange piece of crap at every truck stop we hit, or I'm going to be broke before we ever get to Kansas City.

It was a full moon. The prairie, dusted with snow under the moon, was so beautiful. Sometimes the snow would stretch for miles in sheets, the moonlight reflecting and limning it blue, like a frozen lake that went on forever. Scrubby tough prairie grass and strong trees, skeletal and dark against the moonlit winter sky, sped past. Inside, it was all laughter and music and serious female discussion, while the further we got from Denver, the colder and more starkly beautiful it became outside.

I'm in a hotel room, like one of a hundred thousand hotel rooms, bed, nightstands, table, low dresser with a TV.... no fridge though. Hmm. Now that I'm up, I'm going to go find the exercise room. Well, coffee first, then exercise. Then back to my room to transform it into something lovely, before I meet my next new friend. Moe's still sleeping, bless her heart... I passed out the last hour of our journey, after having taken a turn driving for a while, and when we arrived, she woke me up and TOOK CHARGE. I was still babbling incoherently, half-asleep, and she was sweeping around, finding a cart, loading up all of our ridiculous amount of luggage, grimly guiding that heavy cart through the halls, a woman on a mission. I was impressed. When something needs to get done, done right, and done quickly, she's your gal.

We ended up going on the internet despite our best intentions to go to bed... emailing each other and laughing because we were still awake. Her last email to me: GO TO BED!!! My last to her: BACK AT YOU!  :)

Today will bring new adventures.

More soon....

xxxooo
B.

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Saturday, December 18, 2004

Been awhile... my desktop computer was over at the webguy's place, being upgraded to WindowsXP. Yes, I've been using 98 all this time. I resist change, what can I say? I say, if it works for me, why change it? I mean, my car looks like hell, but it still runs, right? I only upgraded because I had to, because the version of Front Page that I need only runs on xp... most frustrating. 98 has been working fine for me. I hate this modern concept of "planned obsolescence."  Everything is designed to die on purpose, just so that people can make more money. A long-lasting, quality product is no longer a good product. Crafting something of beauty and style, that will last forever, is no longer a priority. Throwing away things that are "broken" (even if they're not) is how we do things, these days. Unless it looks new, it's not any good. My friends snicker at my crummy car. "Why don't you buy a beemer?" They ask me. "Because my cruddy Toyota will still be getting me from point 'a' to point 'b,' while your beemer is in the shop," I tell them. Then I feel bad because people think less of me for driving an ancient, cracked vehicle. I think, maybe I should buy a status car, so they won't be embarrassed to drive with me. Then I remind myself that for the price of even a used status car, I could take my whole family and live in Europe for a month. Hmm, tough choice.... get rid of my ugly but completely serviceable Corolla... or spend a month lazing about on the beaches in the south of France, exploring museums in Venice, and practicing our lousy British accents in London.

When I first moved into my house, we had to rip up the carpets. The lady who lived there previously had basically let her dogs use the carpets as litter boxes, of sorts. The smell was horrific, to say the least. So all of this nasty, smelly carpet had to be hauled off to the landfill. So off I went, with my mother and her drinking buddy, Vicky, in an ancient borrowed pickup truck, loaded down with giant rolls of stinky carpet and some rusty barbed wire from Vicky's property. I was shocked to discover there was a landfill along Colorado's Highway 93, this gorgeous, incredibly scenic route from Golden up to the Boulder area. There's this one particularly lovely bit, where a sharp ridge of granite and earth has thrust up from the meadow's crust, piercing the sky... a ridge of rock and trees running for a mile or more. And behind this spectacular example of violent tectonic plate shift is a big, foul landfill. Nice. Ruins my future drives along 93, I'll tell you that.

So we pay our fee and drive in. Bulldozers everywhere, pushing gigantic mounds of garbage. Vicky explained that the area we were in was once a valley, quite deep... but is now being filled in with garbage. And that they're always looking for new places to put landfills, because, like so many others, this one is filling up fast. We parked the truck and began pulling the rolls of carpet and wire out of the back. Looking down, I could see a perfectly good backgammon set... looked brand new. It's plastic discs were scattered on the ground. Perhaps there was one missing, that's why the owner threw it out... rather than going to the trouble of contacting the manufacturer and buying a new disc. Tinny electronic children's music was playing from somewhere in the mound at our feet... a forgotten toy, still working, batteries intact, playing its annoying little song for no one but us, and the seagulls and crows, which swooped about overhead. Looking out over the nearest mountain, I saw a sofa, barely used; a dinette set missing one chair; and the rainbow sparkle of compact discs in the sunlight. The stench was amazing; overpowering doesn't even come close to describing it.

I thought about Notre Dame. The master stonecutter who laid the first stone of the cathedral didn't live to see the completion of this magnificent structure. His grandson laid the final stone. People used to build things that lasted, for their children, for their children's children. For the grand society of the future. For the sheer joy that was in it. These men carved stones that would sit at the top of the cathedral, where no one but Quasimodo would see them, and yet they took the time to make them beautiful, works of art.

Now the only things we build to last are things that shouldn't last. Compact discs that will take umpteen zillion years to degrade. Plastic children's toys that break too easily, and yet don't break down for thousands of years.

We live in a "he who dies with the most toys wins" society. We don't think of the future, or worry about the legacy we leave our children. We must have that status car, those status shoes, the latest freakin' version of Windows. The future be damned. We don't leave structures like Notre Dame to the future. We leave them landfills, mountains and mountains of garbage, the refuse of the selfish and spoiled. We leave them pollution and poison, in the earth and air.

So now we're trying to "reduce, reuse, recycle." It's disturbing that people refer to proponents of recycling as "enviros," like it's a dirty word. Only hippies care about such matters. We're sneered at.  I'm not saying I'm perfect at it, by any means... but we try. In my family, we try to find new uses for things that are unwanted or broken, but are made of materials that won't degrade well. I'm collecting AOL cds. If you come to see me, bring me your unwanted
AOL cds... my housemate has discovered that we can melt them in the oven, cut them into tiles on his bandsaw, drill holes in them. We're making dresses and shirts out of them, like rainbow chain mail. We're using the rainbow tiles to decorate flower pots for the porch, where they sparkle in the sun. We're finding replacement parts for things on the internet. Tish, my puppy, is doing her part, chewing up anything plastic she can possibly find, including a cel phone, two cel phone chargers, three disposable cameras with film I'd planned on developing, and a dildo I didn't even get a chance to use (dammit).

And I'm upgrading to XP out of necessity... but I'm going to keep driving my sad little Corolla.

Talk to you soon....

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

Geez. I had hoped to at least keep this whole blog thing up once a week, at least... ah, who am I kidding? I was lousy at keeping a diary as a kid, too. Never been able to manage a regular journal, either. I have good intentions. I'd get a diary for Christmas as a kid, and write in it every day for a while, then blow it and never write in the thing again (the record for daily diary upkeep was two weeks, I think. The worst I ever did was one entry, and that was it. Blank pages thereafter. Pathetic.). So, here I am again, filled with good intentions (the road to hell is paved with what? Hmm.), but I'm afraid my entries here will, more than likely, be sporadic at best. But I can try to overcome three decades-plus of bad habits, right? Right. Just nod your head and agree with me, it's easier.

[sigh] Okay. I mustn't let past failures haunt me, or I'll give up before I ever begin. So I'm taking another whack at it.

This has been an amazingly busy month! First, I'm excited by the number of visitors to this site -- and all without the aid of metatags! Fantastic! I am so excited about this new site. I've got another one I'm going to be working on in the next couple of months, but... shh! It's a secret. You, loyal blog readers, will be the first to know. Actually, I highly doubt anyone actually reads this thing, anyhow. I am well aware that my site is enormous... I made it that way on purpose. For those that want the quick information, the lowdown on contacting me, the pictures, and the rates, they can access that information pretty quickly and easily. Perhaps a handful will take the time to explore the entire site, every detail and complexity. That's okay. I just wanted to make sure that there was enough information available, for those that wanted more, for those that wanted to really get to know me, before our meeting (or perhaps old friends wanting to keep up with me!). I think the most fun part are the Hot Links. By seeing what I find interesting, and what I find funny, I think really gives an insight into who I am... as opposed to me just telling you who I am with words.

I switched the blog font to Ariel; sans serif is easier to read, I think... though I believe serif fonts are prettier. Yes, okay, I have a thing for fonts. I am such a geek!

Mind bouncing around from subject to subject....

Oh, yes, busy month. Spent Thanksgiving in the hospital, with my stupid bad leg, a bit of leftover unpleasantness from my surgery last year.

I positively refuse to go on about my health. I sound like an old woman. "And then I had those gall stones removed in November, remember dear? Oh, and yes, there was that blood clot in February. That was a nasty one. And Harry had that heart murmur scare, oh, dear, it's been a difficult year for us...." Geez.

Okay, so... upcoming excitement! I'm off to Colorado Springs this weekend... I leave Sunday night, returning Tuesday morning.  Then, another Game Night with Muffin on the 10th (woo hoo! Those Game Nights are TOO MUCH FUN!), and then Omaha with Sweet Caroline on the 18th through the 20th (see my News and Events page for details on these). I'm thinking about doing a trip to Greeley sometime soon, if I can generate interest.

I don't even want to think about Christmas. I could ramble on for hours about my opinions about commercialism, greed, consumer-mentality... I once lived next door to a lady who had converted to being a Jehovah's Witness at the age of 10 (it was her parents' idea). She had a baby the same age as my child. I asked her about being a JW. I was curious as to how they lived, why they knocked on strangers' doors on Saturdays, etc. I asked her about Christmas. Having converted at the age of 10, she remembered what it was like to get Christmas and birthday presents, and then to have all of that taken away. "How do you do it?" I asked. "What will you do when your son is in school, and all of his classmates are getting all excited about the holidays?" She explained that at holiday times, her family always took a trip, or something fun... skiing, Hawaii, something like that. She said that she really didn't miss the presents on Christmas, or at birthdays. "I mean," she pointed out, "do you remember what you got for Christmas when you were nine years old?" I had to admit that I didn't. All those childhood Christmases just sort of blend together in my mind. Maybe you might remember one gift from one year, when you got something truly special that you had wanted for a very long time, but I really didn't remember much. She said, "I may not have gotten Christmas presents, but sometimes, I'd come home from school, in the middle of May or something, and there would be this beautifully wrapped present on my bed, from my mom. For no reason at all, just because she loved me. I remember those presents. They meant something. They were special, because she gave them to me because she loved me. Not because I just expected it, because I was `supposed' to get something."

This really made an impression on me. Not that I would want to convert to JW or something; I disagree with most of their doctrine. But the "presents just because" seemed like a really wonderful, neat concept. On Christmas, I watch my child just tear through her presents, hardly even registering what's in the package, just moving on to the next one. It's all about "getting stuff." I've had friends tell me horror stories about kids counting presents under the tree, and throwing tantrums if the number was less than the number of gifts the previous year. Gross. spoiled. But we all are, really.

The Christmas I remember most, the only one that sticks out in my mind amidst that blur of melded Christmases over the years, was the Christmas of 1982. We were smack in the middle of a terrible blizzard in Colorado. That morning, instead of getting up and opening packages, my whole family got up and piled into our 4-wheel drive International Scout. My brother, my parents, my grandparents, my aunt and my cousins -- we all drove through the blizzard down to the Salvation Army. There had been something on the news about how the blizzard was preventing all of the volunteers from getting through to help serve the Christmas dinner to Denver's homeless. So that's what we did. I remember that Christmas so clearly, carrying plates laden with turkey and stuffing, cranberries and mashed potatoes, bringing them to men seated at these long tables. The men were ragged and dirty, many with long beards. And they smiled when I brought them their plates. I helped one man break open a Christmas cracker. They laughed with me. We sang Christmas carols. We dashed back and forth all day, giving out second and third helpings, cleaning up. It was warm and fun. People that had always just been "bums" to me, in my child's mind, had suddenly become just people. That has never changed, since that day.

I suppose we opened the presents under the tree when we got home. That part, I don't remember.

Happy holidays.

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)

I'm going to get this damned website done today if it kills me. It might. I haven't had enough sleep in days, haven't worked, haven't checked my email (sorry, everyone!), haven't done much of anything except focus on finishing this site.

Still, it's been very exciting for me. In my last job at the newspaper, I learned a great many things about a variety of computer programs, but I never had the opportunity to learn web design. Now I'm doing it! I love learning new things... and this opens up a whole new realm for me. The Dirty Old Web Guy at denvericandy, where I've had my site for the past three years, was kind enough to sit down with me and let me direct the design of my own site, step by step... and suddenly, watching him create what I desired, I was learning as well.

Not only is the knowledge itself thrilling to me (and I'm having such fun trying new things, expanding on ideas, now that I have the base concepts down), but there is an exciting sense of freedom, as well. I've been running my own businesses for years, but the internet and website aspect was always an area that felt beyond my control. Someone besides myself was in charge, even though I paid for their services, they still had ultimate control over how my image was presented to the world. Now, I choose for myself, in every way.

The ramifications of this are huge. I know at least two ladies who are pretty much at the mercy of their webmasters. Emphasis on masters.  Since time immemorial, as long as there have been courtesans, there have been people (both men and women) who have taken advantage of those in the profession. People who have sought to profit from courtesans' efforts and labor. There are hundreds of thousands of examples of this: the 19th century madams who charged their ladies for room, board, clothing, travel fees, advertising, and everything else -- charges that accrued daily, charges amounting to more than the lady could earn in a day; pimps ('nuff said -- don't get me started on pimps, the lowest form of life on earth); and now, "webmasters." These internet "masters" can sometimes charge ladies exorbitant sums for their time (time which is continually accruing); and/or withhold the woman's own login and password, so that she is unable to control , alter, or hire someone else to work on her site; and/or disagree with the lady over some matter and simply render the site inoperable; and/or create a situation whereby the webmaster owns the woman's domain -- and can profit from her pictures, words, and marketing skills, without her knowledge or consent.

I do offer a caveat to any webmasters I may have offended with my diatribe: I know that there are many, many honest web designers out there. And I know that there are many, many ladies who are not responsible about paying their web designers, forcing the webmaster to shut down the site or make other arrangements, among other remedies.

I am grateful that I was lucky enough to trip across an honest person when I first put up a site; I am saddened that some ladies are not so fortunate. I am excited about my new, developing skills (not a "master" yet, but definitely an "apprentice with promise"). Knowledge is indeed power; with every new skill comes a greater freedom, and an attendant responsibility.

And besides, I'm having FUN!!!!!

Allright, enough of my long-winded babbling for today... just a couple more things to do, and I'm done! Unless I spend all day blogging, that is.
More to come soon!

xxxooo
B.

SEND BEV AN EMAIL RESPONSE (Be nice. My ego and self-esteem can't handle abuse. Thoughtful discussion, yes. Abuse, no.)